you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
