You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize