i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
