smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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