it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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