Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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