she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
