There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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