you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I fill condoms, not promises.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
