she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
