Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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