So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He passed out mid-signature
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
