And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
