Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
