She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
