If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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