Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We had sex on a dog bed..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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