I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
