My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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