you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
