So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
