She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
