I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
