3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
