just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize