Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
