Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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