I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
