Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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