Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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