I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
