is your mom at the bar?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
