I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
