One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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