He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
