She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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