He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
