Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
