So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I would ride that face into the sunset
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
