is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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