Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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