I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How's work?
Spinning.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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