I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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