chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize