She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
