So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
