If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
