I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
