doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
