She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
