i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
