did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize