Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
