Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
