Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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