If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
