CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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