Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
