Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
