just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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