just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
