I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
