I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
