I will die if light touches me.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
