Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
