RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
