Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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