At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
