Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
