He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
