im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
