You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
birth control should be required to get into college
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
