Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
