this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
