Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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