If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I party with great urgency now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize