you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're like the curious george of whores
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize