who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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