Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
