Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
